Then the strain of it all began to tell. I lost my appetite and couldn't sleep.
I was now involved in a real-life situation that was just as dramatic as anything that had ever happened on the Crossroads
set.
A few days passed and then came the final blow. Lord Grade telephoned Michael and told him my dismissal was final.
He could do nothing. It was obvious his executives were not prepared to interfere with the Denton decision.
Crossroads without Noele Gordon may have been unthinkable two years ago, but it was perfectly acceptable now. I
spent another night in tears.
But even in my sadness I had to acknowledge Lew's help and generosity in authorising the negotiation of my current contract
which had, for the first time during the whole of my previous twenty three years' employment with ATV, recognised my
position and my value to commercial television.
Life in our make-believe Midlands motel is recorded four weeks in advance. So, starting the second week of July,
you'll see the episodes that I made in ATV's Birmingham studios while Meg's own future hung in the balance.
One of the sequences involves an hilarious comedy scene in the kitchen. I had to laugh a lot and somehow I managed
to get through the day's recording. But the laughing Meg you will see on the screen hides the real-life anguish of the
actress Noele Gordon. I'm hoping none of the inner turmoil that I was suffering at the time will be detectable in the
homes of the millions who will be watching.
My fellow actors now tell me that althoguh they had heard some of the rumours flying around, they dismissed them all
as untrue because I seemed so calm and relaxed before the cameras.
"You were your usual self, Nollie," said Jane Rossington. "This is why we were so sure they were just rumours."
Then, when my manager received Lord Grade's final pronouncement and I knew all hope had gone I decided there was
no point in remaining silent. The time had come to tell the truth about my dismissal.
At first, Michael didn't agree.
"You can't admit you've been sacked. It might be bad for your image. We must think about this very carefully.
Everyone will think you've had a big flare-up in the studio, that you've had a great row with Jack Barton, forgotten
your lines, failed to turn up for rehearsal or something awful like that. It could be most damaging to your career."
But I was adamant. None of the things Michael listed had happened. There was no row. No scene.
No failure on my part. I had just been sacked and that's all there was to it.
I accept that if you're going to change the whole format of the programme as ATV have announced, then obviously you must
kill off some of the characters, with Meg Mortimer going first.
But it is no under-statement when I say that I am heartbroken to be leaving Crossroads in this way, as though I have
done something wrong; caught my hand in the motel's till or mis-behaved in the studios.
Between ourselves, I don't mind so much getting the chop. Actors and actresses lose their jobs all the time.
Cast changes are made. It's just the way ATV have disposed of me. After twenty-five years - first as hostess of
Lunch Box and for the last seventeen as Meg Mortimer in Crossroads.
Studio rumour reached Fleet Street and last Sunday everything came out into the open. The News of the World scoop
about my dismissal made rumours into reality. I could keep silent no longer, especially as it was being suggested in
some quarters that I was to quit the show. This simply wasn't true.
I owed it to my fans to tell the truth and this brings me to the real reason why I did not take my manager's advice and
instead announced to the world that I had been sacked, and Meg Mortimer would be off the screen soon after December 31.
Back in the late sixties I had been involved in a situation which resulted in my offering to resign.
